"…he was full of excitement about his summer happenings—”I went to seven shows in 29 days, man!..."

…he was full of excitement about his summer happenings—”I went to seven shows in 29 days, man! It was amazing!”—and more importantly, his new girlfriend, who he met at one of the jam-band shows he loves so much. She’s AWESOME, she’s smart, she’s so frickin’ hot, “and she loves Phish too!” In short, this new girlfriend is everything good for Surfer Dude… except she doesn’t know about Wendy, the hot-lesbian-bitch alter ego that he puts on to role-play with me once or twice a month.

“l still want to do Wendy every now and then,” said Surfer Dude, “but I’m probably going to be calling you less.” I make the supportive, believing noises, and say the congratulatory things that he clearly wants to hear, but in my head I’m going, “Fuckin’ TELL HER ABOUT WENDY!” Just TELL her. Suck it up and talk about role-play, and what has she done, and what have you done, and what could you do together? She’s a free-wheeling, jam-band-following type. I DON’T THINK SHE’S GOING TO FREAK OUT.